STAR WARS in a nutshell

"Use the force Luke."           >o< =o          ( o   )  

      >o<  -=o     ( o   )  

       >o< --=o    ( o   )  

       >o< ---=o   ( o   )  

         >o< ----=o( o   )  
              >o< --=( o   ) 
       >o<=          ( o   ) 
>o<=-_-            ( x   )  

  "Lightspeed!"          >o<=-_-=      ((((((X)))) 

"BOOM!" ((((((((((X)))))

         . : * :.

                 

THE END

Here Lies Pencil

I miss my pencil.  It was taken from me, not literally, but its soul was taken away.  Its essence.  OK, its pencil lead.  I dropped it, it escaped and ran away from me, into the afterlife, office supply heaven.  Since my pencil had passed away, I had to replace it.  I asked for something to write with, and in return I was given a Starbucks pen.  I had trouble getting along with the pen.  I hate Starbucks.  But after time, I adjusted to the pen and I had to live with it.  Whenever I'd make a mistake, I couldn't fix it.  The pen would only say, "tough shit."  Then I'd have to scribble over the mistake, cover it up, and live out a lie, something I didn't mean to write.  But lying never covered it up.  Past the lie, the mistake is still legible.  I want my pencil.  Unlike my pen, the pencil was more honest and easier to work with.  It was very comfortable to be with and the pressure to the paper showed our passion to write.  Its eraser was soft, but tough, it was like the hand of God erasing my sins.  It is, but what's the use when the pencil is out of use, the pencil, my pencil, is dead.  I want my pencil.  I want to revive its soul.  I would love to be reunited with my pencil again.  I would love to love it again.  I loved my pencil, and I love my pencil.  Please forgive me pencil...

I just realized something...

I think my voice is going!
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
I wanna be a kid again!!!

F*ck the eureka, I had a reality check.

Love is hard, love is tough, and love, why would you want to TRY to love when you don't?
I was trying to do that, trying to love again.
Love is strong, but it is completely powerless and pointless when you don't mean it.
Love is honest, and is only meant to be when it is the truth.
I guess that phrase, "love is all that matters," is really true.
Well, not in life, no, other things matter.
But when it comes to love, love IS all that really matters.
Love can't exist unless it's just her and him, him and her, and the whole world passes by as the two are lost in each other, but never want to be found.
Lost, now that's a key word I've been stuck on for quite a while.
But it wasn't fun to be lost the way I was.
I just wanted to find my way out immediately, but I wanted to be found.
Fuck that, I'm hackin' through this garden labyrinth.
You wanna know why?
I'll tell you:
She's the garden, the beautiful garden.
She drags you in with her seductive roses that just seem to stare at you.
At the entrance, she looks so alone, deserted, there seems to be no one in the garden.
So you enter, and so far are constantly amazed by her beauty.
At first it is fun, exciting, and you wish you could stay forever.
But you never get to forever before things all go to hell.
You encounter your first dead end, and you are heart broken.
At that point all you want to do is chop your way out of this garden and go home.
But soon you recuperate yourself and are back on your feet, though you feel a little uneasy.
You start to feel sick, so you try to find your way to the exit.
But she takes you back, the farther you try to get from her, the closer she gets to you.
So you give in and try to find your way to the middle of the garden.
However every direction you take, it ends up leading somewhere else, as if there is a constant bipolar indecision.
This beautiful garden suddenly turns into a confusing maze.
Along the way, you discover other people in the maze, walking around, trying to find the nucleus of this garden of Eden.
After a while, you begin to get really lost, and you don't know what to do.
You are stuck, lost, and just hanging, not sure what to do.
Then you hear a beautiful blue bird singing in the distance.
It's coming from the center of the garden.
You want to go back to the center of the garden, where that lovely blue bird has been calling you forth.
But you are lost, so you try your best to make your way there, even though you don't know how.
Just as you're about to make your arrival toward the center of the garden, you notice something move out of the maze.
It is the blue bird, and it is flying away, making its descent out of the garden.
You are lost again, all alone, and that inspiring bird of love is gone, and you have no reason to go on.So don't go looking for love, even when you once lost it before.  Love is a powerful thing, don't just love someone, love them honestly, truly, and with all of your heart and soul.

Love, I had a eureka!!! {

The last few days I've been approached by this problem that I've been trying to address, but have had no idea how to do so.
Here's the problem:
A good friend of mine, someone who I loved deeply, and who loved me too, told me a few days ago that she loved me.
Unfortunately, I've been lost and away from love, from her love, that I didn't know what to say.
Of course I said that I missed her, to avoid my dilemma that I really could not honestly tell her that I love her.
But I wanted to, so badly, however I didn't feel it. 
I always used to be the one who said "I love you."
In fact, I was the first to say it, even when I tried avoiding her before the confusion hit its peak, I couldn't help myself, and said, "I love you, I love you."
So why now, when she comes to me, am I lost and confused?
Where did it go?
How could I honestly feel that same love for her again?
Tonight, I spoke to someone (well technically messaged.)
She spoke of love as if it were a disease, and asked me why it is a disease?
Why is love referred to as a disease?
I thought a little, and came up with this:"it is a disease because, like a disease, it can get really complicated, and like scientists, we need to find a cure"
And somehow, I thought of a cure, I had a eureka!

"i lost the feeling of love, and perhaps it is because i dont miss it, i think i need to get away from love, like, the opposite sex, attractions, etc for a little bit, then maybe ill realize what i havent been feeling for a little while"
I think I realize now what I have to do.
I have to devote my love to my love by giving up love.
No flirting.
No talking.
No porn.
No sex.
No liking.
No loving.
No etc.
I'm giving it all up for her, my love.
I'm doing this, my love, because I love you.

Wanna tell her how I feel, those three words...

Pink Panther Sandwich

A Lonely Comfort In the Air Tonight

Lyric tonight, maybe?

Smoke into the evening
A substitute comfort for the night
Won't last long, until another light
The phone does no good dear
When the line is dead, so is my heart
Why not finish what it is I did start
It don't matter what I got
Cuban cools me down while Marbol make me mean
But I'd get high if I could, but I don't have the machine
Hookah time, it's yummy
But it hurts me my love
But you're gone
My love
My love you're gone from meI'm lost
Should I my love?
Are you my love?
I question my love
So what is love?
Can you my love
Be my love?
Or this nasty substance
Just love enough?
Hesitate
I don't know
What I want
Ease my mind
It's killing my brain
Just ease my mind
So I'm happy again
But it's just a curse
I'm not happy at all
You see this love
Is no where near
The love I share
With you
I miss you love
You say you miss me too
So can't you see?
Don't you see?
Save me fom these nasty ways
Or someone please
Because the smoke in the evening
Plays a substitute confort for the night
Doesn't last long, until another light
So I need you love to hold me tightBut you're gone
My love
My love you're gone from me

One example of why you’d want a bf/gf

I think that the one thing that distinguishes a relationship (besides honesty, that should be the reason to go into a relationship) is dedication and devotion.  To many people, being single is a good thing, and I think people tend to enjoy the single life after one or some failed or hard and confusing relationships.  But what happens when you really need someone right then and there, right now, and there's no one to run to?
When I'm being crushed by subways and torn apart by dinosaurs (I know, weird combo,) who can I call up real quick to make 'em go away?  Who's gonna be there for me and whisper, "it was just a dream"?  I'm trying to enjoy the single life just like everyone else, but everything has a downside, and this is it, not having someone to run to, to make it all go away and say, "I love you."
I'm gonna go back to bed now.  I better not have another painful awakening again because if I do I just might run off a cliff!

Summer Mischief All Alone

So I snuck out of the house for the very first time tonight.  Prior to that, I had an enjoyable, chill 4th of July, even though my friend was unintentionally cock-blocking all the girls I was flirting with, and he does that every single time!  I ended the night with a few games of online pool and VERY small talk with a much needed friend.  I originally wanted to jump into my friend's pool and get wet (duh) in the summer evening cool, but instead I had to go in my jacuzzi.  Afterward, I snuck out to the park to smoke a cigar and listen to some music. 
Where is summer going for me?

......  =/

Summer Resolutions/To Do

Summer Resolutions/To Do List (exp. Jan 2009)
Paul S Skinner

Daily
- Study/Do homework to do well on final
- Spend the day with a girl at least once every week
- Find something special to do every new day
- Get more contacts/phone numbers
- Socialize outside of friend circle
- Talk to Cheesecake
- Keep room clean
- Apply rash ointment
- Take Chris's place while he is gone

Goals
- Get a girlfriend
- Become best friends/boyfriend-girlfriend with Cheesecake
- Have at least thirty girls' phone numbers/screen names
- Have at least fifty girls' phone numbers/screen names
- Have posted one-hundred blogs
- Get rid of rash

Tasks
- Register for classes
- Make appointment for MAPT
- Find out when Cheesecake is in Hawaii
- Pay off parking tickets
- File extension for traffic violation
- Sign up for traffic school
- Get Wells Fargo account number and check balance
- Fix car
- Plan out/pay for Yosemite trip
- Get a techno party together (patio theme, yeah, maybe?)
- Hang out with Shane
- Buy Mixcraft
- Finish SMG OST
- Complete my first recorded CD
- Organize vinals
- Pay dad month of June
- Pay dad month of July
- Pay dad month of August

Drunk Love

When love is confusing, it's kind of like getting drunk.  Yeah, drinking is fun, when you are drunk, you feel like you have the whole world, you feel like the best, everything feels amazing, kind of like love.  But when you have too much to drink, it's an overwhelming feeling of nausia, confusion, dizziness, and everything seems to be out of control!  Now that you're too drunk, and you seem incomplete, and you're taking a piss every fifteen minutes, you have some more to drink because the previous drinks, all the way down to the very first drink, seem to have left you, the ones you've been pissin' off, and because they have left you, you need something else, and more of it to satisfy your satisfaction, your love.  Very soon you're tripping balls, and all you ever wish for is the way it felt during the very first drink, one love, one brew (or liquor.)  You throw up, and all of that time you put into all of those other drinks, wasted, out in the gutter, and as you look at your wasted night, your wasted love, you have a heavy hang over, and you are very lonely,  you regret everything, and all you ever wanted was to go back, go back in time, and feel like the way you felt with your first drink.  What's the worst part, tripping balls, or the cold and lonely hangover.  My love, I could handle being drunk, I have the guts, but this hangover is killing me.  I love you, and if I can't stay with you, I'm just going to get drunk off my ass next weekend.  Please stay with me.  Will you be my one drink for the night?

Don't dream, don't EVER dream.

Just do what you can do.

Doubt...

There are many difficulties in life.  One of the hardest things in life for me is doubt.  Many people who know me think I am a 100% happy-go-lucky positive guy.  Don't get me wrong, I am.  However, a lot of the time, I am very doubtful, and I have been like this far too long in the past.  For all of those who don't see this, I try to hide it, I'll be positive anyway.  There is always some kind of doubt in my mind, it's there right now.  There are a few things I am beginning to doubt, but I will not tell you because you know me as the guy who always has a positive outlook in life, and I don't want to change that.  Sometimes they are little things: right now, one thing is bugging me that is little, I think, I hope, I doubt...  Sometimes they are big: another doubt is big for me right now, and there is only one person who knows about it, besides me, God, and my professor.  My advice to my fellow blog readers, [cricket noises] don't doubt anything in life.  Always look for the best, fuck the worst, don't regret anything, and if you do, fix it right then and there.  If school is bugging you and you are doubting where you are going in life, do what it is you want to do and dig out of the hole you are in right now.  If you are learning a second language and you doubt yourself, don't; speak that language everyday, and who cares if you say something wrong, you only learn from your mistakes, your mistakes do not hurt you.  If there is a boy or a girl you like and you doubt how he or she feels about you, stop that now and keep this mentallity, "he/she wants you right now and you are gonna have him/her tonight!"  Doubt is a painful thing, and living with it only makes life a boring hell.  Make the best of life right now and everyday, before it is too late.

Life as Paul Skinner

Everyone says that I see the glass half full as apposed to half empty...



But I am quite aware that the glass contains 50% air and 50% liquid!

care for you child

To love someone is something else
But to care is something better
Physical contact is nothing without
An honest, thoughful letter
With words of love compasion
And small phrases of joy
A therapy much more needed
Than having around her boy
She comes seeking attention
Doors are open, house the homeless
And whenever she is cold
Donations open, take our blankets
Whenever she is hungry
The kitchen's open, help yourself
Whenever she is lonely
We're always open, I'll be here
Troubled, stressed, out of control
"She's sick," the doctor said
Two full spoons of friendship
And one capsul of "hopes ahead"
My patient comes with many complaints
Emotions pile on me
But it's my job, and I love it well
In response to care for thee
She cries at night, what's the matter
She wants it all to end
But can't you see, it's not too much
She only needs a friend
Love is just a game
But to care is something more
To be there for her every day
Throws love right out the door
"Go to the sink, wash your tears'
Sounds cliche, but I'm right here'
So you know you got nothing to fear"
My child, I don't just love you, I care

Desert Mirage

I've been walking through the desert
For years and years
Walking, walking
Looking for love
That's when I saw a magnificent figure
Glowing in the heat
She was all I wanted
And all I ever needed
She came close and I drew nearer
Brown eyes, dark skin
Love for music
And a good friend of mine
But the desert is a decieving, misleading being
And as I came closer
She vanished into
The heat of the sand
Too good to be true, mirage in the desert
I knew what I had to do
Keep on moving
Don't hesitate
Dehydrated by the scorching sun
I thirst for love
So I will keep moving
Walking through the desert

Mystery Lane (To Read Her Mind)

Mystery Lane
You wonder me
I'm curious
I cannot see
Gated community
Ring me in
But I'm too nervous
To ring myself
Nine o'clock curfew
Doors are shut
But I know otherwise
She stays up
Mystery Lane
Don't know where you are
But when I don't know
She seems so far
To read her mind
Mystery Lane
Comes on HBO
But I can't pay
There is love
On Mystery Lane
I see a dove
Everyday
But the citizens of
Mystery Lane
Will not say
A single thing
Something seems about
Some good news
But all of the commotion
Is quietly mute
Mystery Lane
To read her mind
All of the things
That I may find
An invitation
I may be ignoring
But I want to reside
On Mystery Lane

To read her mind...

Fauget-Abotit!

The best way to forget about something is to make it better than it is.

'Member, to forgive is to forget.

faithful someone, I am grateful

I hope to be grateful
Am I grateful?
I don't know
Should I ask for it?
Hmm, not sure
Is it fate, or is it probability?
It's probability: Should I be grateful?
Shit, it happens, then it happens
Step on gum, the odds are high
Clearance sale
Well, a week later, it's gone
Do I choose?
I choose to bargain
But I could choose to walk away
That sale could not have been there at all
But why was it there in the first place?
There must have been some reason
Some reason that same time
I strolled in
The one time
And I never come in
There it is,
"One time only, CLEARANCE SALE"
But how could I ever
Rely on the probability
Of life?
Who could guess?
You never win
At a slot machine
But would if rather
You and I
Were assigned our own jackpot
In life
We all knew, we all know
That we will win
No, it's fate: Yes, I should be grateful!
There's something ahead for me
It's there, it was there all along
I stepped on gum, well, I need new shoes
And what a coincidence, there's a clearance
What a fateful outcome
. . . I met fate today
Faith, faith is her name
But as fate would have it
I have known her for very long
And I had a feeling
I had a feeling that I knew her
What is that?
Magic?
Super powers?
Stomach gas?
Who knows
Can science proove it?
I don't think so
But all I know
Is that I knew
All along
Fate brought me to her
And fate kept her near
Well, what about this?
How is it that when faith was waiting
I didn't know
And when I knew about fate
Faith was waiting no more
Did fate walk up and leave?
When I found out
Of fate's existence
I could not wait for faith to return
When I met fate again
She went off to hide from me
To hide from the world
But is this our decision
Or fate again
Maybe the whole world
Will come together
And everything will make sense
As always and for now
I must rely on faith
So I will wait
Wait for the win
So should I be grateful?
There is no answer
If I believe in faith
It will all come together
So I believe in faith
I met fate today
But she took off hiding
One thing is for sure
As I wait in the grass
As long as I met my fate
I will wait for her to come again
I am grateful she was there
I am grateful I saw her there
And I am grateful for the faith
Which will never leave me
So here's a note for faith:
Untill next time
Now I know your name
'Till we meet again
I am thinking just the same
So when you, faith, are ready
Just call my name, and fate will appear . . .

I'm listening to musik

Foot tap uncontrollably
Head move rhythmetically
Words process into motivation
Notes translate into imagination
Musik
Beauty, art, cannot describe
We try hard with genres, but still not defined
Knock me hard with heavy metal
Cusion my fall with classical
Musik
Spin a vinal, sounds so pure
The clicks are there, but the song endure
Tape in my pocket, MP3
Gotta have it inside of me
Musik
Like a therapy to my head
Salon treatment, while lying in bed
Gentle massage to my ears
To orgasmic sensation is what I hear
Musik
Musik, musik, musik
What else can I say
For my love, my musik

Not One, But Two

The words don’t come
By myself
I cannot help myself myself
No one alone
No way, not me
Just look and see
This ain’t my best
I need a source, another hand
I need your hand
Reach out your hand
Not one hand, but two together
I need your sight, to look at me
I need your eyes, me looking at you
Let me look
I need to see
I need your voice
Your toungue, your lips
To speak to me
To answer me
To break my silence
Silence, be still
It’s my turn
Since you’re here
I have a turn
Because no one wants
To play alone
I’m glad you came
I’m glad you’re here, too
Because I’m scared of one
I’d rather have two

Lunar Eclipse

Moonlit light is in the dark
Nothing clear, not but a spark
Street lights play the substitute
Stars are seen when they are shoot
Misty haze upon the night
Picture frame this wonderous sight
One night, every new decade
Earth creates you a cascade

    You, there watching TV
    Won't you come and see
    There, out the window there
    Come and look out and see, this you have to see
       Mystic shadow in the sky
       Lunar magic in my eye



    Hey, go get mother
    Go and get your brother, sister too
    Wait, please don't go away
    Stay until another day, I wish you'd stay, stay, stay
       Mystic shadow outer space
       Lunar tears stream down my face

The Unfortunate Evil King

[Anyone guess what this is about? This was actually typed exactly from a piece of music from the respective soundtrack.  Of what?  I'm not telling    =)]

Ships flying in the air, getting prepared
As they sail through the sea of stars
"Navigate well my son," the evil king
Awaits the status quo from wizard blue
Deploy the second fleet, send all we need
To rule the galaxy, then all of space
Proceed instruction, attack mode
Let's arm the bombs, formation on
    There goes the battle cry, the cannons fly
    The king begins to sigh, out from the the sky, the target lies
    Still all in tact, not once attacked
    Foiled again, when will he ever win
Attention ground troops, level begin
Pace back and forth, defend your win
Chain up the sharp toothed animals
Re-soil the dunes, Piranha tubes
Set sail, fleet location is revealed
Move over here to level four
With fingers crossed the evil king will wait
Upon his throne directly from the door
    Door closes, he is here, he's getting near
    King shoots his fireballs up through the air, just missed a hair
    Just what he feared, left out the ax
    Foiled again, when will he ever win

I think I'm waking up!

I've just downloaded a torrent for an mp3 rip of the Super Mario Galaxy soundtrack.  Oh my God, it is so f ck'n beautiful, like an orgasm to my ears.  Anyways, I feel like I am finally waking up from my long musician's block.  I have a certain feeling in my stomach, in my heart, in my head, in the hairs on the back of my neck, in my face, in my eyes, in my fingertips, in my ears, in my imagination that has long been asleep in a quiet and idle coma, nerve recking urge to create that is now free to bloom on a piece of paper, through a microphone, into some form of art and achievement.  It feels like this music has just opened me like a key, it was just a matter of when the gatekeeper would meet the key maker.
I'll type back soon, perhaps tomorrow since I am currently busy.  Peace!